What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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