why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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