Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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