My first STD was from a foam party
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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