i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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