no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
