ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
