Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
