I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
