capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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