oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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