first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
