I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
