I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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