I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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