textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
