my phone needs a breathalizer
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
