i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
