Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm both gender and math confused
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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