Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
