dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
