i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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