found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
