Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
