He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
