Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You're so nebulous sometimes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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