When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
