Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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