Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
