I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
