i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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