Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
