How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
