dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
