you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
