Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
