saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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