I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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