Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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