I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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