I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
