I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She bit a glass in half.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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