oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
