Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
