Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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