its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
