i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
