my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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