can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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