That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
