the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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