Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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