woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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