dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
