You're completely useless in the revolution.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
