Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
