I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
