i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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