Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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