the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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