so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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