My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
