he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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