why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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