like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
