Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
