Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
