oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
