i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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