And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
