We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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