I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
