pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
