So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
