Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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