ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
