All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
