In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
