The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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