Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
