hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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