Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
