so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we're so committed to being not committed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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