Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize