Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
