idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
