All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
MIDGETS
????
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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